Sometimes, I feel sad because of my past. I often think about feeling abandoned, alone, unloved, and unimportant. These feelings come up more than I would like and I wanted to share it with you.
Through my parenting journey, now for 3 and a half years, it’s hard to believe. I continue to grow and learn to be the best parent that I can be along with reparenting myself. I’ve been challenged to dig deeper inside through ART therapy (Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART)), and talk therapy. This challenge has raised a repeating trauma, Baby in the Corner, this is a scene from the 1987 rom-com Dirty Dancing… a great movie for relaxing and your selfcare.
For decades, as the only girl in my immediate family, my mother’s unsupportive words: “You’re a girl, I don’t know what to do with you.” Even now, she repeats this phrase, leaving me feeling unloved. As a child, I couldn’t understand why, as woman herself, she felt so lost in raising a daughter.
This sense of not being heard or a priority often arises in many of my relationships, whether personal, professional, in my career development, even in parenting…. As I shared with you previously, The Four Agreements:
- Be impeccable with your words
- Don’t take anything personally
- Don’t make assumptions
- Always do the best you can
I’ve realized that taking things personally means absorbing others’ issues as my own. These issues often stem from their insecurities, bad moods, or lack of communication skills. For example, my mother’s inability to provide emotional support isn’t about me; it’s her limitation. She’s been clear about this, saying things like, “You’re a girl, I don’t know what to do with you,” and “Don’t expect something from me that I’m not capable of.” Her bluntness reflects her own constraints, not my worth.
Hearing that my mother, who gave me life, couldn’t meet my emotional needs was incredibly painful. I always believed she should be my primary source of support, given our bond. Yet, I felt a sense of gratitude for her honesty. It was a lightbulb moment that revealed the disconnect wasn’t about me, but rather her own emotional struggles.
She simply lacked the tools to communicate her limitations effectively. This realization, while difficult, helped me understand the complexities of our relationship.
On reflection, I realized I had my own lessons to learn. I mistakenly thought my mother “should” love me a certain way, which is a cognitive distortion. While our relationship has improved and I understand her better now, I still face challenges. These ongoing struggles are signs of continued personal growth.
Every journey is unique, but as single co/parallel parenting mothers, we share a common goal: to seek the best for ourselves and our children.
I’ve been reading Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be by Dr. Becky Kennedy. This book has been an eye opener not just for my parenting journey but it has been eye opening for my reparenting journey. I look forward to share my journey with you…
If no one has reminded you today, let me be the first: You are incredible and doing an outstanding job!
Give yourself some grace. Take a deep breath, step outside for a refreshing walk, or enjoy your favorite drink. Take a moment to focus on something that brings you joy—you absolutely deserve it!
Motherhood & Mental Health 